There Are Two Types of Married People: 50 Jokes Every Couple Knows

There are two types of married people: those who are always cold, and those personally offended by the thermostat.

There are two types of married people: those who hold the TV remote, and those who have not chosen a show since 2015.

There are two types of married people: those who say "I'm not mad," and those who know they absolutely are.

There are two types of married people: those who pack three days early, and those packing while the other one idles the car.

There are two types of married people: those who say "I'll just be five minutes," and those who have aged visibly in the entryway.

There are two types of married people: those who load the dishwasher correctly, and those who are wrong, according to the first.

There are two types of married people: those who start the home project, and those who finish it eight months later, also them.

There are two types of married people: those who say "anywhere is fine," and those who then veto everywhere.

There are two types of married people: those who drive, and those who brake from the passenger seat.

There are two types of married people: those who remember the anniversary, and those grateful to be married to the first kind.

There are two types of married people: those who fold the laundry immediately, and those whose clean clothes live in the basket for a week.

There are two types of married people: those who say "we should leave by 9," and those who hear "leave by 9:45."

There are two types of married people: those who make the grocery list, and those who add nine things to the cart that were not on it.

There are two types of married people: those who text back instantly, and those who read it, compose a reply, and never send it.

There are two types of married people: those who plan the holidays in October, and those who agree to whatever in December.

There are two types of married people: those who close the cabinet doors, and those who leave the kitchen looking startled.

There are two types of married people: those who read the assembly instructions, and those holding three leftover screws and confidence.

There are two types of married people: those who keep the gas tank above a quarter, and those living dangerously near E.

There are two types of married people: those who say "turn here," exactly when it is too late to turn.

There are two types of married people: those who throw things out, and those who said "I was keeping that" about a cable to nothing.

There are two types of married people: those who say "we'll talk about it later," and those who know later means never.

There are two types of married people: those who pre-rinse the dishes, and those who think that is what the dishwasher is for.

There are two types of married people: those who text "on my way," and those who texted that twenty minutes before leaving.

There are two types of married people: those who keep the closet organized, and those whose side is an avalanche risk.

There are two types of married people: those who handle the bills, and those pleasantly unaware that bills exist.

There are two types of married people: those who like the window cracked, and those who file a formal complaint about it.

There are two types of married people: those who say "let's get an early night," and those still talking at 1 a.m.

There are two types of married people: those who keep the snacks stocked, and those who ate the snack the other was saving.

There are two types of married people: those who plan, and those who say "it'll be fine," and somehow it is, which is infuriating.

There are two types of married people: those who remember where they put it, and those asking the first one where they put it.

There are two types of married people: those who say "I told you," and those who survived being told.

There are two types of married people: those who say "I'm ready," and those who then remember three things they have to do first.

There are two types of married people: those who do laundry on a schedule, and those who found the towels still in the washer from Tuesday.

There are two types of married people: those who like the bedroom at 68, and those wrapped in a blanket plotting revenge.

There are two types of married people: those who say "I'll start dinner," and those who started a 90-minute recipe at 8 p.m.

There are two types of married people: those who keep gift ideas all year, and those buying flowers at the gas station tonight.

There are two types of married people: those who pack light, and those whose "just in case" suitcase needs its own ticket.

There are two types of married people: those who say "we agreed," and those with no memory of agreeing.

There are two types of married people: those who turn off the lights, and those who light the whole house like a stadium.

There are two types of married people: those who say "let's not get each other anything this year," and those who are testing you.

There are two types of married people: those who tell the story, and those who interrupt with "no, it was Tuesday" every single time.

There are two types of married people: those who say "did you hear me?", and those who did not.

There are two types of married people: those who pick the movie, and those who fall asleep in the first fifteen minutes of it.

There are two types of married people: those who keep the fridge tidy, and those who let the leftovers reach sentience.

There are two types of married people: those who say "we should save," and those with a new gadget already in the cart.

There are two types of married people: those who answer the in-law group chat, and those leaving it on read for both of them.

There are two types of married people: those who plan the itinerary, and those just happy to be invited.

There are two types of married people: those who say "five more minutes" about leaving the party, and those already in the car.

There are two types of married people: those who keep the receipts, and those who said "it was on sale" about a thing nobody needed.

There are two types of married people: those who say "we don't need a list," and those back at the store for the fourth time today.