35 There Are Two Types of People: Remote Worker Edition

There are two types of remote workers: those with a dedicated office, and those whose desk is the kitchen table and a deep sense of guilt.

There are two types of remote workers: those who turn the camera on, and those "having connection issues" in pajama pants.

There are two types of remote workers: those who say "you're on mute" sparingly, and those who say it forty times a day.

There are two types of remote workers: those whose pet stays quiet, and those whose cat has joined three meetings as a panelist.

There are two types of remote workers: those who close the laptop at 5, and those who "just check one thing" and resurface at 8.

There are two types of remote workers: those who take a real lunch, and those eating over the keyboard during a call.

There are two types of remote workers: those who get dressed, and those whose top half is business and bottom half is a crime.

There are two types of remote workers: those who work from a desk, and those who work from bed and call it ergonomic.

There are two types of remote workers: those who set boundaries, and those answering Slack at 9 p.m. because the laptop is right there.

There are two types of remote workers: those who say "let's hop on a call," and those who could have just typed it.

There are two types of remote workers: those with a tidy background, and those with a virtual beach hiding a laundry mountain.

There are two types of remote workers: those who test the mic, and those whose first three minutes are "can you hear me now?"

There are two types of remote workers: those who go for a walk, and those whose only steps are fridge-related.

There are two types of remote workers: those who set a status, and those who vanish for two hours and call it "deep work."

There are two types of remote workers: those who keep work in one room, and those whose entire home is now the office.

There are two types of remote workers: those who join with video, and those keeping a flattering photo up and praying.

There are two types of remote workers: those who stretch, and those whose posture is now a question mark.

There are two types of remote workers: those who mute to cough, and those who shared a sneeze with the whole department.

There are two types of remote workers: those who have a commute ritual, and those who rolled from bed to desk in nine seconds.

There are two types of remote workers: those who keep cameras on for standup, and those who are "definitely listening."

There are two types of remote workers: those who use headphones, and those whose family heard the entire quarterly review.

There are two types of remote workers: those who log off for the weekend, and those whose Saturday has a "quick" Slack thread.

There are two types of remote workers: those who plan the day, and those who realize at 4 p.m. they never changed out of yesterday.

There are two types of remote workers: those whose kid stays away during calls, and those who introduced a toddler to the board.

There are two types of remote workers: those with good lighting, and those who appear as a silhouette in witness protection.

There are two types of remote workers: those who batch their meetings, and those context-switching every fifteen minutes into dust.

There are two types of remote workers: those who use a second monitor, and those squinting at a 13-inch screen since 2020.

There are two types of remote workers: those who close Slack to focus, and those who twitch when the badge turns red.

There are two types of remote workers: those who keep a routine, and those for whom Tuesday and Saturday are now the same day.

There are two types of remote workers: those who muted the dog, and those whose delivery arrived, loudly, mid-presentation.

There are two types of remote workers: those who turn off notifications at night, and those who heard a Slack ding in a dream.

There are two types of remote workers: those who ate a reasonable lunch, and those who ate "lunch" at 10:30 three days running.

There are two types of remote workers: those who took the home-office deduction, and those still calling the couch a standing desk.

There are two types of remote workers: those who say "let's keep this async," and those who booked a call to discuss keeping it async.

There are two types of remote workers: those who signed off cleanly, and those whose "see you tomorrow" was followed by three more messages.