40 There Are Two Types of People: Coffee Edition

There are two types of people: those who drink coffee to enjoy it, and those who drink it to become human.

There are two types of people: those who order a coffee, and those who order a 14-word beverage with their name spelled wrong.

There are two types of people: those who say "I've cut down," and those holding their third cup while saying it.

There are two types of people: those who clean the office pot, and those who left a centimeter to avoid making more.

There are two types of people: those who talk before coffee, and those who should know better.

There are two types of people: those who savor the first sip, and those who inhale it before it's safe to drink.

There are two types of people: those who have one cup, and those who measure the day in cups.

There are two types of people: those who decaf after noon, and those who have caffeine at 9 p.m. and "sleep fine."

There are two types of people: those who make coffee at home, and those funding a barista's vacation one latte at a time.

There are two types of people: those who bought the fancy espresso machine, and those who use it once a week and feel guilty.

There are two types of people: those who grind fresh beans, and those whose "coffee" is a spoon of crystals and a lie.

There are two types of people: those who drink it black, and those whose coffee is technically a dessert.

There are two types of people: those who set the timer the night before, and those staring at the machine willing it faster.

There are two types of people: those who switched to tea, and those who tried and came crawling back by Tuesday.

There are two types of people: those who order the seasonal drink, and those judging them, also in line.

There are two types of people: those who refill the water tank, and those who pressed brew on an empty machine and gasped.

There are two types of people: those with one travel mug, and those with a cabinet of mugs and a favorite they defend.

There are two types of people: those who say "just a normal coffee," and those who have never once placed a normal coffee order.

There are two types of people: those who taste notes, and those who taste "hot" and "more, please."

There are two types of people: those who quit caffeine for a week, and those we heard about it from every single day.

There are two types of people: those who finish the cup, and those who reheat the same coffee four times and never drink it.

There are two types of people: those who know their order, and those "deciding" at a place they go to daily.

There are two types of people: those who clean the machine monthly, and those whose machine is now a science experiment.

There are two types of people: those who say "I'm not myself before coffee," and the people who have to wait for that self.

There are two types of people: those who do pour-over with a scale, and those who eyeball it and live free.

There are two types of people: those who bring their own cup, and those with a bin full of paper ones and remorse.

There are two types of people: those who sip the espresso, and those who slam it like a shot and march off.

There are two types of people: those who make a fresh pot for the office, and those who took the last cup at 8:59.

There are two types of people: those who like the office coffee, and those with a secret stash in their desk.

There are two types of people: those who pace themselves, and those who ordered a cold brew the size of a fire hydrant.

There are two types of people: those who drink it slowly, and those whose cup is empty before they sit down.

There are two types of people: those who froth the milk, and those who pour it in and accept whatever happens.

There are two types of people: those who enjoy the cafe, and those there to use the Wi-Fi and one cup for four hours.

There are two types of people: those who buy beans by the bag, and those on an unsustainable subscription.

There are two types of people: those who skip coffee on weekends, and those whose Saturday headache disagrees by 10 a.m.

There are two types of people: those who said "decaf for me" once as a joke, and those who got a stern look.

There are two types of people: those who time the second cup, and those whose hands stop shaking around noon.

There are two types of people: those who say "this is my last cup," and those who have said it every day since college.

There are two types of people: those who like the smell more than the taste, and those who would never admit that out loud.

There are two types of people: those who drink coffee, and those who don't, and we simply do not understand the second kind.